VENTING

So I am not doing as good as I hoped I would be doing on this, but sometimes it is hard to come up with things to say. Last week was crazy and no fun. I failed 2 tests, my clinicals at the hospital did not go well, and to top it all off, I have a super soar throat that won't go away. GRRR.... (thats how I feel about it in case you didn't get it the first time.)

Moving on to greener pastures. Paul sent me some gorgeous flowers on Saturday. After I had got them and was talking to him about it he told me that he didn't know what they looked like, he just knew they were my favorite and so he sent me those ones. He is so sweet!! I love him. Sometimes I wonder why it all worked out the way it did. I mean we grew up together for cryin out loud and for some reason God thought it should work out just as he was leaving for WAR. What? I think I missed something. I grew up with the thought that Paul and I had absolutely NOTHING in common. I thought we were complete opposites. I am so glad that I was wrong because now he is my best friend. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like him but I thank God everyday that he is in my life now. I am so happy that we are together and I guess that understanding why we had to wait so long to be together is just going to have to come later.

Update on Paul. He is doing as good as can be assumed I guess. Right now he is on an extremely good base. One of the safest in Iraq. He has access to computers and phones everyday. It has one of the best hospitals that are there. They get cooked meals and he is taken care of pretty well. Paul just found out a couple of days ago though, that he is being sent to another base for the next two to three months. This base is not so safe. There is no way of communicating (ya we are talkin like, I won't hear anything from him for 2-4 weeks at a time). There is no electricity, no running water and he gets to eat those nasty meals in a bag. I think they're called MRE's or somethin. (he hates them and doesn't eat them so I have to send him some real food ASAP) Pretty much, he takes showers with a water bottle and baby wipes. Now Paul is a strong guy. He is 23 years old and has been taken care of himself for a long time. I know that he will survive the no water, no electricity, and the nasty food. It is the safety issue that I worry about. I just don't know why they had to chose him to do it. (Probably cuz he is good.) The Lord probably gets sick of hearing my prayers for him because I am constantly blessing him to be safe and to come home soon. But I guess this is teaching me that maybe I am prayin for the wrong thing. Maybe instead, I need to pray for the courage to accept what I may not understand right now. And I guess that includes praying for the faith to put Paul in the Lord's hands instead of my own.

Today was my vent day it sounds like. Sometimes I just need those days though. I think all of us do. In a way, I think it is our way of saying we cannot do it alone. We need the hugs that people give, we need the smiles and support of family and friends and sometimes we need someone just to listen. This is my way of saying I am scared to death that the person I love the most in this world may not come home. This is my way of admitting to the feelings that I have been trying so hard to cover up. For so long I have been trying to be strong and supportive for Paul even though it is him always being stronger for me. Some things happen whether you are ready for them or not. But at least now I know that I will be ok. And so will Paul...