The title of my blog today is "No Air". This song represents what my life felt like this morning when Paul told me he was having a hard time with our relationship. I wasn't expecting that to happen. There has been a lot of gossip and crap goin around about us but I always thought that we would make it through whatever we were faced with together. It was a rude awakening when I noticed that he changed his status on facebook to single and all of this happened over the internet. We didn't even talk about it. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what to do anymore. I have been spending so much time planning my life with him that it is the only way I saw my future. It took me a while to re-adjust to the fact that we won't be getting married. I won't be moving out to California with him. I won't get updates anymore knowing if he is ok or not. Obama being elected as President really doesn't make a difference to me now because whether or not he brings home the troops early from Iraq, I still won't be at the airport to run up and hang on to someone that means so much to me. Today is a day with no air.
I hate war. Not only the physical war with Iraq but the war of the world. I hate the war that turns people against each other no matter your race, your age, or your relationship. I hate the war that feels like the grand canyon has been created between two people when really they are only an arms length away. I hate the war between your heart and your head.I hate the war between thought and action. I hate the war between what society thinks is right and what you know is right. I hate WAR. Because of war, today is a day with no air.
3 days ago
2 comments:
Nicole, here is a little something that helped me through tough times on my mission. When I found this it was the same day I found out my grandfather passed away. I was crushed. My grandpa, who I didn't get to see before I left was gone and I'd now have to wait till the resurrection, instead of the few short months I had left. These verses have been my pilar and the basis for which I've been building my life. D&C 58: 2-5. I know that no matter what we go through be it a relationship going down in a fiery blaze of glory, the death of a family member or suffering from a horribly disfiguring accident, if during our trials we are faithful and turn to the Lord he will help us through. it's his job he made that promise knowing full well if we did our part he'd be obligated to keep his end of the bargain. This helped me and I hope it can help you.
Oh Nicki, my heart aches for you. I am so sorry for your broken heart. I hate it when people say things happen for a reason so I won't. Just know that there will be a time when this will be a little thing in your life. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Love, Coley
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