Isn't it amazing how much everything can change in your life in such a small amount of time? I was thinking about just deleting everything on this blog and starting a new one because I can't believe how stupid I was about Paul and what I wrote about him. But then I started thinking that even though I totally think it is stupid now, I really believed that he was who he said he was then. Let me just say now that I am soooo lucky that it didn't work out with us. He is not anything that he said he was and my dad knew a lot more than I gave him credit for. So I guess I am going to keep this one because even though I may not like it, my past is my past and that is just how it is.

I feel like I have learned so much in the past year. I don't even know where to begin. I can see the hand of the Lord in my life everyday. When I finally decided to just give my life over to Him and let Him take control my life has turned almost 180 degrees. I would not beable to do school without Him. There is no way I would pass the classes. And now that I am getting close to graduating I am just seeing all of these opportunities open up in front of me. More blessings than I can even number. One of the blessings is the chance that I will have to do my preceptorship in the Neuro Trauma Unit at Primary Childrens Medical Center. I was so worried that I would only be able to do med surg at some hospital I hated. But the Lord knows me and knows where he wants me to be. I know it will probably be a sad area to work in but I am so excited to be able to have the experience that I am going to have learning from incredible nurses and meeting some incredible children.

Now for the future. I am so excited to graduate I can hardly stand it!!! I graduate on December ninth and my little brother gets home from his mission the next day. I can hardly wait. I think once I graduate I really want to focus my extra time on doing service missions in countries like Africa and Haiti that need so much help medically. I want to go to South America and work in their orphanges. I want to travel the world and help in any way that I can. I am really excited and I hope that I will have the time and money to be able to accomplish some of this stuff. I also am excited just to travel to some fun places. Like Europe or Greece or somewhere fun. I woudln't beable to do any of this without the Lord in my life. I am so grateful for all that I have.

I just wanted to post because I feel like I am a different person. I just feel like my views in life are different and the things that I thought I needed in my life are things that I can totally live without. Especially right now when the Lord is giving me so many opportunities. There are still moments that I want to be married and have kids but after learning all of the things I have this past year I know that it will happen when it is supposed to. Right now I am looking more forward to serving other people and moving out on my own and making me a better person. These are things that I wouldn't be able to do if I were married and have kids. People always used to tell me that you learn so much between the ages of 20 and 25 and you change so much. So you shouldn't even get married until later. I never believed them. But now I couldn't agree more. There are experiences that I would have never had if things had worked out the way I had planned them in high school (be married by 21, start kids at 22 and have six of them by the time i was 30. WHAT?) ya that is pretty much why the Lord is in charge. Thank heaven.

Tales of Grandpa Carter

K so I know it has been a super long time since the last time I updated but I have been a super busy girl. So this will probably be a long post just so I can catch up. First of all I graduated with my LPN!!! YAY!!! I am officially a nurse but it doesn't really feel like it because I am still going to school for my RN. It will be nice to be done though in December. It is just going to be a pretty crappy summer being in class all the time. Whadda ya do? eh?

Second, there really isn't a second. HAHAHA that is funny. My life is school. How depressing is that? :) Pretty much the reason I wanted to blog today is because I had one of the best nights last night with my dad that I have ever had. And you know what we did? He just sat and talked to me about what his life was like growing up. HE told me all of these stories about him and my grandpa that I didn't even know. First of all it is so funny. My grandpa Carter grew up down in santaquin and he had a goat that LOVED chewing tobacco! Isn't that hilarious? Every time my grandpa grandpa (great grandpa) Carter would drive up the goat would see the car and come runnin. My grandpa grandpa would put chewin tobacco in the goats cheek and off he would go.

He told me another story about a time that my grandpa and dad were fishin and grandpa got into a little tiff with some guy that was on the bank and it escalated until my grandpa stood up in the boat and grabbed an oar. My dad thought he was gonna hit the guy with it. As soon as my grandpa stood up the guy shut up. Thats right!! Don't mess with us Carters! That was another thing. He told me that all the Carters knew how to stand up for themselves and you always wanted them on your side.

One time my grandpa was hunting after hours and this park ranger caught him. Well grandpa was huntin with his dads gun and the park ranger took it away. Well grandpa had to go home and tell his dad that he didn't have his gun. Instead of gettin in trouble, my grandpa grandpa Carter went down to that park ranger and gave him a piece of his mind and got his gun back.

One day my dad went hunting with my great grandpa and some guy shot towards my dad and hit him in the neck. My dad started bleeding and my great grandpa walked right over to that guy and gave him scotch blessing. He was hoppin mad at that other hunter. Dad told me Grandpa grandpa carter was a man of his own. He liked to cuss and drink and he wasn't gonna change for no one.

My great grandpa was a trapper. He would go trappen and get drunker than a skunk. In fact he liked to drink so much that my great grandma Eva would watch for him to come home and go and find his alcohol. When he was in the barn or shed skinnin his treasure, she would put some stuff in his drink that would make him throw up when he wasn't lookin. So he would just be sicker than a dog. "Oh Hell my stomach hurts, I must be comin down with the flu, I didn't know if I was even gonna make it outta bed today" he would say. To his dyin day he never caught on to what was happenin. He just always drank his alcohol.

My dad would go fishin with my grandpa and great grandpa a lot. My dads cousin Norman would also go with them. Well norman was a little trouble maker teen. Grandpa grandpa carter would always have his six pack of beer with him on the boat and when he wasn't lookin, Norman would shake up one of those cans and then offer it to my great grandpa. He would open up that can and it would go everywhere. Oh it made him so mad. On time on the way home from fishin, Norman was drivin grandpa grandpa carter crazy so he made him go sit in the back of the truck. Well Norman didn't want to do that so he stood up in the back and would bang his hands on the hood of the car the whole way down strawberry canyon until they pulled over. Grandpa would be so mad that he would go chasin after him but norman was too fast.

These little tricks run in the family. There was a time when My grandpa was out in the desert with his dad and his brother. Well he thought it would be funny to fill up their sleepin bags with sand. So he filled up their boots with it and then dumped it in there bags. He got in his sleepin bag before they did and pretended like he was asleep. Well when the other two went to bed the fireworks started and my grandpa was runnin for his life across the desert in his underware. HAHAHA I laughed so hard.

Well this is probably enough stories for today. There are more that I want to write down just so we have record of it. I don't know if some of these stories are even written down anywhere so I will probably write some more down again later.

Eye to Eye

So I had one of the most incredible experiences of my life last night. I was asked to go to Salt Lake and do a temp. recording at the conference center for a new movie that the church is doing to explain the Joseph Smith story better to non members. There were 5 of us all together and we worked with John Garbettwho is producing the show. He also helped produce the movie "The Other Side of Heaven".

We got there and it was the first time I had been in an actual recording studio. Ya know the ones where you wear the head phones and the mic comes down in front of your face and you can see the sound guy through the little window. Ya. I was there! (and we took pictures I just don't have them yet.) Anyway. The song we were asked to do was "The Spirit of God." Now the story in the movie goes like this. The year after Joseph and Hyrum were martyred, the members of the church were having a conference in the Nauvoo temple. Lucy Mack Smith (Joseph and Hyrum's mother) asked Brigham Young if she could speak to the congregation. So she got up and spoke for 1 hour. This is the point in the movie where Lucy is going to narrate the story of her son. At the end of her talk, one man stands up in the congregation and starts singing "The Spirit of God". Gradually more and more people come into the song until the entire congregation is singing. This is where we came in. We all recorded solos. I sang the melody twice, the alto part, and then the tenor part one octave higher. After we were all done, the sound guy worked his magic and just started adding us all into the song until out of 5 of us there was a 20 something person choir. It was incredible to hear. They are making me a CD so I can have it and then they are showing the movie to the first presidency to see if it will pass. Now MY Prophet, the Prophet of God, the Prophet of the entire church is going to hear my voice. (He won't know it is me but ya know....) the point is, I may never be able to bear my testimony in front of the Prophet, but I feel like in a way I was able to do it through this and let him know how much I love my Savior.

After we were finished we went into the assembly room in the conference center (ya know the really big room that holds like 21,000 people) and Vaughn told us just some little tid bits of information about the conference center. First of all, have you ever noticed that there are not any pillars in that room? Everything is suspended from the ceiling. Well in the scriptures, it says something to the affect of that when Christ comes, we will be able to see him eye to eye. In that room, no matter where you are sitting, you can look at the speaker directly and see him or her. There is nothing in your way. You are eye to eye. The second thing is that there is a large empty "room" or "space" underneath the stage area and the podium. Well the podium, when it is not being used, can descend down into the floor. On the podium there are some hooks and in the room underneath there are a bunch of different hooks all a long the wall. They are there to hold the wiring to satellites and broadcasting equipment. They have never been used because there are satellites on top of the conference center. The reason they were put where they are is because when Christ comes, He will need to speak to the entire world. We are going to need to set up every satellite and broadcasting network possible so that the world can see him and know he has come no matter where they are at on this earth. Pretty incredible huh?

I am so grateful for the knowledge that I have of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I KNOW that Joseph Smith was a prophet of GOD and restored the church back on this earth. I KNOW that Joseph Smith saw God and his Son in a grove a trees behind his house when he was 14. I KNOW President Thomas S. Monson is the prophet that has been called of GOD to lead and direct His church today. I KNOW that the Savior died for ME, so that I could return to live with him. I KNOW that my Savior will come again, and when he does, I will be ready to see him EYE TO EYE!

So much Fun!!!

So last night was so much fun!! My friends and I went to the Bishops house for dinner and we had an awesome time. After that we were bored and thought we would go and see a movie but there wasn't anything playing that we wanted to see. So we decided to get bundled up (not enough I might add) and go to Christmas Village. It was SOOOOOO cold but sooo much fun. We took this picture of all 4 of us and tied the camera from this light and then just put it on a timer and hoped that it would swing the right way when it went off and it did. I will post it as soon as I get a copy from Jordan. After that fun adventure we went out to watch some of my friends play indoor soccer. (I know, I hate soccer but we were bored.) Then we all went with Scott and Ben to Dee's to get hot chocolate (and cheese fries) and we stayed there until 1:00 this morning. It was so much fun. Ihave not laughed that much in a long time. There are for sure pictures to come of this fun event!

Christmas is getting so close and I am trying to get in the spirit but I can't seem to concentrate on anything cuz of finals. At least I have them this week and then I will be done for a couple of weeks. YEAH!!!

Mom ( and I guess dad too) are sooo cute. This year for christmas they decided to do the twelve days of christmas for all of us kids instead of having us open a lot of presents on christmas. They wrote this whole letter about it and about what the theme is and then they numbered all of the gifts and put a letter on each of those too. Today I got the animals that go with my willow tree nativity. It is so much fun. I love that it will make Christmas last longer. I love it!!!

So my niece Lilly is so funny. I have gotten a phone call from her almost everyday this week. (She will turn 2 this month.) I tell you what for someone who doesn't speak english (or any other language for that matter) we talk on the phone for quite some time. She is constantly laughing. My sister says that she just puts her head in her hand and laughs. It is so much fun. She calls me JZZZ (just sound it out) and none of us know why cuz the rest of the kids call me Kikki but she is a sweatheart. I love our talks!

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving...therefore I thought I would write of things that I am grateful for.
*I am grateful first and formost for the LOVE of the SAVIOR in my life. Not only is he my SAVIOR but my BROTHER. He loves me no matter what becuase I am his LITTLE SISTER.
*I am grateful for a Heavenly FATHER and MOTHER that know me and love me better than anyone else ever has or ever will. I am grateful for the KNOWLEDGE that I have about them.
*I am grateful for the Holy Ghost. His spirit is the most comforting feeling and helps me when no one else in this world can.
*I am grateful for a family that sealed together for all of ETERNITY.
*I am grateful for a dad who has always been worthy of the priesthood and has shown me that he loves me in his own special ways.
*I am grateful for my mother and for the friend that she is to me. I am grateful for all of the talks that we have no matter what time of night or morning it is.
*I am grateful for the best brothers and sisters in the world (including in-laws). I am grateful for the relationship we have and that I know I can always count on any of you.
*Today my heart is overflowing with love for my little brother Caden. I miss him so much. But I am so grateful for the example he is and always has been to me. Our relationship is one that I don't have with anyone else. I am grateful that he is on a mission. I am grateful that he is serving the Lord in a way I never did. I am grateful that Caden is my little brother and will be forever.
*I am grateful for an education. I am so blessed to have not only been able to go to school but to go to college and get a degree in something that I love so that I can help other people.
*I am grateful that I am able to read and write.
*I am grateful for the place that I live and for the freedoms that this country has given me.
*I am grateful for anscestors and people that went before me, who endured endless trial and tribulation just so I could have a better life.
*I am grateful for the Temple and the feeling I have when I am there. I am grateful that I am worthy to go into Gods house and participate in sacred ordinances to give back the the people who have given so much for me.
*I am grateful that there is a plan. Not only a plan but a plan of HAPPINESS.
*I am grateful to know that no matter how lost or frustrated I may feel in my life my Father in Heaven has a plan specifically for me.
*I am grateful for nieces and nephews and their endless hugs and kisses. I am grateful that i am an aunt and that I live so close to those choice spirits that are in our family.
*I am grateful for grandparents and the testimony that they have of the gospel. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to have them in my life and to have been able to get to know them and love them.
I could go on and on and on of things I am grateful for. But somethings just cannot be put into words. Therefore I will end here and hope that we all have a thanksgiving not stuffing ourselves with food, but with gratitude and love for the things that we have.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Movin On

I decided I had better update my blog so that people don't just think that I am pining over my relationship with Paul. I'm not. You know the time when you are in the shower and the water is so hot that it is burning your entire body but you feel so numb inside that you can't even feel the pain? The only way you can tell that it even happened is by the redness of your skin when you are finished. Well I had one of those showers a couple of weeks ago. It was my last moment that I allowed myself feel broken over it all. It was during then that I decided that I needed to move on. I had done everything in my power to work this out but it just wasn't going to happen. I wish Paul the best and I hope that he is safe in Iraq. I will still pray for him like I do everyone else that is serving our country. It is because of them that I live the way I do and I will be grateful to him for that.

I went to Twilight with one of my friends and I didn't think it was possible to fall in love all over again with that story but I did. I am a devout Jacob fan but I must say, if all vampires are like Edward Cullen, I would be more than happy to fall in love with one anytime.

So I have a new..old friend. His name is Justin. He and I went to school together in junior high and high school. He was a senior when I was a sophmore and we talked to each other a couple times through friends. Well he and I just happen to be working at the same place for Christmas. We haven't seen eachother in a long time so it was fun to catch up on eachother. We have gone out a couple times and it is fun. He makes me smile. We are kinda just goin one day at a time cuz we both just got out of relationships but the thing I like about it, is that we are just honest about everything with eachother. It is fun to just be with someone that makes you laugh. I can't say very much about it yet but when Justin finally decides that I am pretty much perfect maybe he will let me write more. ;)

I am so excited for Thanksgiving. It has to be one of my very favorite holidays! I love waking up in the morning and wrapping up in a blanket to watch the parade on TV. Then of course the smells of incredible food all day? The only thing better than that is when you get to eat it. I love turkey. Yum! My sister in law Dee makes the BEST sweet potatas (to be said with southern accent) EVER!! I could eat just a pan of that. LOVE. On top of the incredible food is the family. I have been so blessed to live so close to all of my family my whole life. We are talking aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, everyone. Not very many people in this world can say that. My family means more to me than anything else in this world. Thanskgiving to me is family and tradition. I love it all!!!

Now about the title of the blog. First off of course I had to change it from Adams Apple (no explenation needed) and so I have been trying to think of what else I could title it. Obviously I can't change the address of my blog but I was just thinking that I could totally be in love with McDreamy off of greys anatomy. He is pretty hot. As far as the sugar spice thing I know that it is supposed to say Sugar, spice and everything nice but my life isn't always like that. Therefore the new title of my blog is now Sugar, Spice, and everything....ELSE!

No Air

The title of my blog today is "No Air". This song represents what my life felt like this morning when Paul told me he was having a hard time with our relationship. I wasn't expecting that to happen. There has been a lot of gossip and crap goin around about us but I always thought that we would make it through whatever we were faced with together. It was a rude awakening when I noticed that he changed his status on facebook to single and all of this happened over the internet. We didn't even talk about it. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what to do anymore. I have been spending so much time planning my life with him that it is the only way I saw my future. It took me a while to re-adjust to the fact that we won't be getting married. I won't be moving out to California with him. I won't get updates anymore knowing if he is ok or not. Obama being elected as President really doesn't make a difference to me now because whether or not he brings home the troops early from Iraq, I still won't be at the airport to run up and hang on to someone that means so much to me. Today is a day with no air.

I hate war. Not only the physical war with Iraq but the war of the world. I hate the war that turns people against each other no matter your race, your age, or your relationship. I hate the war that feels like the grand canyon has been created between two people when really they are only an arms length away. I hate the war between your heart and your head.I hate the war between thought and action. I hate the war between what society thinks is right and what you know is right. I hate WAR. Because of war, today is a day with no air.